SHINE

YOU SHINE

Because of your struggles, not despite them.

Your own particular beauty,

has been long carved through an intricate series of events,

combined with the wonderful traits that make you YOU,

the people you love and the things which spark your joy.

Your own special light is a source born of the care

of those who loved you when it mattered most,

what shaped your world along the way,

the fears that keep you awake at night,

the dreams your heart hides

and the little moments that make you glow.

You’re a work of art, actually.

And there’s only one.

Which makes you pretty much priceless.

You shine because of your struggles my friend,

not despite them.

Let them be a part of you. —-Donna Ashworth

This year, at one point or another, we met and connected and you shared your struggles, your heart and your hopes with me; and by doing so you put them out into the world and connected us. During this darkest time of the year, here is a gentle reminder to allow yourself to embrace your beauty and shine in whatever way feels authentic to you - in silent reverence and reflection; time spent alone; or through the celebration, sharing of time, meals, or gifts with others. Embrace the moments of softness, of stillness, of presence.

Remember that we are all connected and it is through embracing our own individual beauty that we will be ready to face the challenges of these times.

Wishing you a beautiful Winter Solstice.

Sharon

IT DEPENDS......

Some days I find myself caught in a mental web that feels impossible to climb through - how do I approach this challenge when it’s clear that every aspect is important, and changing one thing means giving up or changing another? Have you ever felt trapped in this type of mindset? Maybe you’ve had the seed of an idea to change jobs, for example, but every time your daydream about doing something different leads to thoughts like “but how would I pay my car insurance,” then I would lose all my seniority,” or “ my parents might see me as irresponsible.”

There is nothing in life that remains independent of everything else. Buddhists refer to this as Dependent Origination: no phenomena have an independent existence but are inseparable from what existed before them and along with them. There is much more to this concept than the simple definition I have shared here, but for our purposes let’s just say that nothing we experience, nothing we do or even say or think happens independent of everything else. Maybe this is why doing something, especially something different, can feel so overwhelming to us.

Some of us might remember the Mouse Trap game from our childhood. I remember it vividly! You would spend most of the game setting up the elaborate mouse trap maze composed of flimsy plastic parts, sometimes with springs or levers, according to the specifications on the board and THEN you could play the game, once it was all assembled. The thing was that if you jiggled the board or accidently grazed something with your hand while setting it up, you could activate the whole cycle, sending the little metal ball through the maze and deactivating that whole thing. Then you were back to setting things up again. I loved that game but I also got a nervous exhilaration from it, realizing that getting to the point of “playing the actual game” was dependent on so many things not happening “by accident.”

It’s human nature to want to get to a logical conclusion so that we can feel solid in our knowing. When my children we young, they would often ask me questions about how something works or what they should do in a particular situation. Often, to their frustration, my answer would be “it depends.” They would groan and exclaim ‘just tell me what to do!” While it’s just how my brain seems to work - one thing infinitely connects to another thing - I also know that by not supplying them with a quick answer, I was helping their brains create complex pathways that, yes, make decision-making more complex and less black and white, but ultimately helped them to develop into better citizens of the world.

There are no easy answers and we can’t just think about what’s best for us in the moment. As we face serious climate change realities, it is concepts like Dependent Origination that are our path to “saving ourselves” because by saving something of our planet and the plants and animals we share it with, we are saving our own futures - we, as humans, do not exist in a vacuum. Everything we do, every choice we make affects everything around us, just as all the choices made before our time are affecting us now.

It’s true that taking steps to slow down climate change is essential to the future of everyone and everything- it’s a big picture, global concern. However, the decisions that we make for ourselves as individuals are no less important. Self care, such as therapy, is not an “it would be nice” but an essential step we can take to care for the complex web in which we exist. But feeling more solid in our place in the complex web, we support the whole system. And there aren’t any easy answers, so therapy shouldn’t be about getting a prescription for what to do next in your life. Really, it depends on so many things. Perhaps the only “wrong” path is the one taken when we aren’t fully awake to our connectedness to everyone and everything around us. If there is a formula, it is that a right path (not the right path because there are many), takes us closer to connection and to a life more guided by an awareness that “it depends.”

Befriending Your Body

Michael Lee, the founder of Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy says: “ It is through your body that you will learn the most, and through your body that you will change everything in your life that needs to change.” 

Years ago while training in graduate school to become a therapist, it was pretty clear that when we worked with clients we focused on two things: the thoughts (mind) and the emotions (feelings) and not much else. You probed a client for content and feeling and continued to pull out those themes as they told stories of their past and their concerns for the present. Although the body was present at every session, it was largely ignored.

It wasn't unusual in my own professional practice for me to direct my clients in deep breathing exercises, progressive relaxation techniques, and body scans. However, I was in the minority, and my intention was usually to assist them in reducing stress or coping with anxiety. These were considered legitimate reasons to focus on the body. Although I had little to no guidance in graduate school for entering the realm of the physical, it was something that I intuitively felt could be helpful - at least to some clients.

Many of my colleagues figured it was “fluffy stuff” and unnecessary or even strange. Certainly there was no touching of any kind encouraged from me or even for themselves. For me to suggest to a client - particularly a minor student - that placing a hand on his/her heart or any other part of their body might help them tune into themselves better was tantamount to handing in my resignation.

So, my traditional graduate training in counseling psychology did nothing to prepare me for the real discoveries that are fundamental to my practice today. What did prepare me was my own journey; beginning with my first yoga classes more than 20 years ago. It started as a nice way to maintain flexibility while I kept up my running, and an effective means for reducing stress. But my yoga practice changed as my life and my needs changed.

 At the height of my fitness focus, it became an athletic endeavor of building strength and core muscles - although even then the practice of Shavasana (also called corpse pose, the mindful meditation at the end of a yoga class) was an important aspect of the experience for me. When I began to have a family, I discovered that yoga was a wonderful way to honor my changing body during pregnancy, as well as my best ally during childbirth. 

As my children grew, it became my escape and “me time,” as well as my opportunity to connect with others who were rapidly becoming my kindred spirits. My yoga practice has changed for me over the years - new teachers, new intentions, new yoga philosophies, and shifting capacities but I have realized through my training as a Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapist that one thing has remained constant. My yoga practice brings me in touch with my body, and that is how it has served me for such a long time. Had I not had this experience of integrating my whole self in yoga, I may not have realized how essential connecting with our ever present body is to our growth and wellbeing. 

I have not always loved my body, and indeed at times have felt it was my adversary - preventing me from achieving what I wanted to in my life. However, the truth I experience when I become present to my body is this: my body is my most constant companion and the source of my greatest wisdom. 

So, when I face a dilemma or a question in my life, sure - I will try to think it through using my well-developed reasoning skills. I will likely also check in with my feelings - exploring my emotional reaction to a particular situation. But, I also tune into my body. I may not like or want to listen to the wisdom that is there, but my very reaction to tuning in and listening - or resisting listening - is part of the wisdom it offers. 

Which brings me to why I have chosen to leave behind my traditional talk therapy training, and have become a Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapist. I know the body holds wisdom that cannot be ignored. Without also engaging this body wisdom, we may never reach our full potential for growth and change. The basis of Phoenix Rising therapy sessions is full presence - to mind, emotion, and body. I believe this is the foundation of supporting people on their journeys of change and personal growth. It can also be the foundation for freeing someone of chronic pain and discomfort. 

We need to start small; like beginning to strengthen a muscle we haven’t used very often. But you can try it for yourself: Befriend your body, in whatever way you can this week. Choose in a big, or small, way to create a better relationship with your constant companion - your body. Choose to accept what is, without a need to change, and your body will reward you with its honesty.

Here are some ideas:
-try meditation for a few minutes
-do a body scan
-get a massage
-take a bubble bath
-go for a leisurely walk
-take in a Hatha or Restorative Yoga class

“This is your body,
Your greatest gift,
Pregnant with wisdom you do not hear,
Grief you thought was forgotten,
And joy you have never known.” 
By Marion Woodman and Jill Mellick

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Evolution of the Resolution

It's the beginning of a new year and most of us use this time to consider positive changes that we would like to see happen in our lives, and to resolve to make those changes happen. Even though I know that most resolutions aren't ever successfully completed, or at least not much past the month of January, I found myself sitting with my family last night - the eve of a brand new year - and talking about resolutions for 2016. 

This year, though, mixed with the optimism we very often feel on the brink of a fresh start, was a sense of wanting things to be a bit different. I've undergone a transformation in perspective this past year - actually its been a long time coming, but I've seen clearly how this new perspective on resolutions has been transforming my clients.  It has to do with how we approach our resolutions.

What can we say about the "typical" New Years resolution? Well, it's often focussed on self-improvement or transformation -  "I resolve to get in shape" or " I want to eat less junk food." Also, the typical resolution is forward focussed but there is often a pattern from other years, meaning that we've made this resolution before.  Most importantly, the typical New Years Resolution is "should" focused. It's all about becoming more of what we think we should be. The question is - what we should be according to who or what?

Let's face it- most resolutions are not successful. While it may be that we set the bar too high, or tell ourselves we lack enough motivation to be successful, I have another theory.  What if we aren't successful because of where we've placed our focus? What if we let go of the "future focussed" or "should" attitude, and instead resolved to become aware of "what is?" 

So, how has my perspective on resolutions changed this year? Instead of helping my clients focus their efforts on how they want to transform in this new year,  how they want to change themselves, I am supporting my clients to be in the present, and to recognize "what is." And, through yoga therapy sessions, my clients are getting in touch with themselves, with all their flaws and imperfections, and letting the universe take care of the future. If this sounds easy - and maybe a bit of a easy way out - think again. 

Being present to oneself takes a lot of self-discipline. It means not allowing yourself to always be distracted with your smartphone, or plans for the rest of the day, or week. Obviously these things demand our attention but next time you are sitting at a trafffic light, or waiting in a line- up somewhere, instead of picking up your phone for the 20th time that day and checking for messages, or making dinner plans, one time each day try taking a few deep breaths, and tuning in to what's happening inside you.

What are the thoughts swirling through your head? Are they future focussed or past focussed? Notice them.

What feelings are you having right now? Tension or irritation about having to wait? Anxiety about the tasks you have before you for the rest of the day?  Notice them.

What is happening in your body right now? Are there areas of tension, what is your breathing like? Notice. 

Notice what has shifted in mind, feelings and body as you've taken this time to be present. Maybe you'll notice shifts immediately, and maybe you'll notice them in a few hours or a few days. Then, move on with your day and experience real, gradual  transformation. Each time my clients come in for a yoga therapy session, they are practicing using the "muscle" of present awareness, and noticing the possibilities and insights that emerge in their lives as a result. The results of these mind-body sessions are magical and naturally and organically lead to personal transformation.  

Resolutions are about renewal and acceptance. Begin with what is, and move forward in this new year.

If you'd like to book a Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy session to begin your own personal transformation, call me to make a booking. January is Evolving the Resolution month! Sessions are offered 2 for 1 if booked in January, so that you can get the New Year off to a great start!  

www.ThreeFoldTherapy.com  

Call or text: 650-619-6101 to make an appointment

What's This?

This is the future home of an insightful blog that will aim to inspire further insight into positive-life changes and the quickly growing practice of yoga therapy.